Control Freak-ing Out

Recently, I have had the grand privilege of teeter-tottering on the line dividing the sane from those who are not.

Okay, I may be exaggerating. Just a little bit.

It's just one of those times when I lost my cool.

Which, for me, is BAD.

Melodrama?

First, let me orient you to MY take on what losing one's cool means.

Losing your cool, for me, is not the equivalent of losing your temper. When you lose your temper, sure, you've lost your cool. But you can lose your cool without even getting just a tad bit irritated. You can lose your cool when you're happy, sad, frightened, embarrassed, surprised, enamored--name a human emotion, and that's a venue where you can lose your cool.

Second, losing your cool is NOT the exact opposite of being stoic. When you're stoic, you are indifferent and unaffected by emotion. I believe that it is possible to fully, entirely, and satisfactorily express how you feel without losing your cool.

Third, the operational definition of "cool" is relative. My idea of "cool" might be completely different from the next person's. What may be cool for you may not be cool for me, and vice versa. When I jump up and down for joy in a public place, or laugh hysterically at a stupid joke, others might think I've lost it. For me, it's cool to express how you feel, as I have earlier said, so in my world, I'm still "cool" even if the world thinks I'm crazy to have to hug the parking attendant because I found an empty slot on the lot.

Lastly, losing one's cool is like showing the public a flash of mortality underneath that divine exterior. When someone's lost their cool, they become vulnerable fledglings, weaponless warriors, susceptible individuals who can be preyed upon by anyone and anything, weaklings rendered at the mercy of those who are stronger and more powerful, like paraplegics being thrown without life vests into the deep, murky waters of the sea!

Wow. I never thought losing one's cool could be such a big deal for me.

Now that I think about it, what IS the big deal anyway?

Is there something wrong with letting people in on the big secret that hey, I'm human and I can only go so far as to control myself, but enough is enough and I just have to let everyone know that I can't take it anymore and I just have to explode and express myself in a way that isn't cool, not even for me?

Is there something wrong with giving evidence to my humanity?

Well, thinking about it NOW, after all is said and done, and nothing can really be done about anything anymore anyway:

No. There's no big deal about losing my cool.

I have LOADS of cool!

No matter how much "cool" I lose, I have tons more where that came from!


Now THAT's cool.